Turbulence

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,And lean not on your own understanding;In all your ways acknowledge Him,And He shall direct your paths.

As the lightning lit up the sky and the plane bounced and rattled last week, I played my spider solitaire and mouthed silently the songs playing in my ears. I really wasn't worried. There was not a single, solitary thing within my power at that point. That plane was going to go where it was going to go and there was someone, a very experienced, smart, well-trained pilot, with everything under control. He sees the big picture, flies around the storms. I concentrate on keeping my shoulder out of the aisle. Once I'm on the plane, I can relax (as much as you can with your knees under your chin and the man next to you leaning on the armrest).

You know what causes me endless anxiety? The thought of making a mistake gets me. The idea that I would miss my flight and be stranded somewhere worries me. It's not being suspended improbably in the air by science and engineering that I have no hope of understanding that gives me a sleepless night before I fly. I can't control that at all. It's everything else, all those details that I must control. You may not understand how I can feel so calm about the whole "fiery crash" thing. I get that. What I don't understand is the lady in front of me who is stunned because she can't carry on her water bottle. Her lack of preparation and investigation of the rules is nearly impossible for me to understand. I know them by heart. Forgetting one might cause me to have trouble in security, be late to the gate (somehow, although I religiously arrive at least two hours before the boarding time), and miss my flight. Forgetting one would let me make a mistake. I feel a little bit like my faith is like flying. When it gets to the big picture, the hard to believe idea that salvation is mine if I just trust in Jesus Christ, I have no worries at all.

When it comes to knowing that my life is headed somewhere and that it means something, I feel comfortable sitting down and strapping myself in. But the details...they get me! And it all boils down to the same slightly obsessive and compulsive checking that I do in the security line at the airport. It all comes down to this: I don't want to make a mistake. And the day to day details are all about me, because I can't give up control.This is a recurring theme with me: control. I can't give it up. I lay it down for a moment and take a sigh of relief, secure in the knowledge that someone smarter, more experienced, and with a better view of the big picture will keep me safe.

And then I hit the ground again, pick up all that worry and the weight of every decision.I learned this verse in junior high school. And someone mentioned it to me this week. And I'm reminded over and over and over that this worry is not part of what God has for me. He wants me to feel the security of knowing an experienced pilot is in control. Psalm 139 explains just how well He knows me. I can put my trust in Him.
Cheryl